These last few weeks in class we have been working on a new foursquare that has been a little different. This is the vibration of what we have called love. When we were very little and saw our caregivers, we “knew” they loved each other and us. We took the vibration they had to be love; that is what we all do. But the fact is only two realized beings are going to love purely. Love is always there—ultimately, Love is all there is—but we twist love. So our vibration, because it is not pure, is something other than love. Each one of us then calls a different vibration love. As we grow we may say we know our parents, our caregivers did not love each other. But we know this only intellectually. We have embedded the vibration we had as little ones and unwittingly call that love.
Not until we are willing to feel the vibration and call it what it is can we begin the process of moving towards real love. What is the vibration we swim in? This vibration is all the time; we are unaware of it until the vibration becomes so loud even we can hear it.
This requires some form of trigger that we may or may not be aware of. The vibration can appear to come out of nowhere but in fact it has been building for days or weeks with little triggers that we ignore. Finally we blossom into the all too apparent and we express this vibration everywhere. We are now “loving” the world loudly where before we were loving the world subtly. This vibration informs everything we do, every decision we make. We cannot avoid it.
So how do we move from this to love? Can we? Yes. We first had love and then we felt this vibration. So it is an object not us, a veil that covered our love and who we are. We lost our subject in the object of this vibration. It became our nature, this “love”, and we allowed and even encouraged this vibration to dictate all.
First we have to feel the vibration. Not just when it has blossomed forth, but when we are at rest. The vibration is always there just under the surface; we have to become aware of it. Just feel it and make it no big deal.
Next we have to call it what it is. We have unconsciously called it “love”. Now we have to discover what it actually is. Everyone has a different vibration they call “love”.
For instance the vibrations of frustration, hate, lonely, do not rock the boat, numb, wounded, dread, irritable, beleaguered, rage, arrogant know it all, neurotic, rejection, or suffering can be wrongly identified as “love”. This may seem difficult to grasp because we all say that “love” is so different from these other vibrations. The problem is that when the vibration is in the subtle form, when we do not consciously feel the vibration, we assume we are loving but in fact we are vibing using this other vibration. Any decision and even idea is being informed by this vibration of which we are unaware. And trying to get out of it will only involve the vibration all the more. We have to accept that we are always using the vibration; it is always guiding us. We have to feel this vibration and accept it for what it is. This process is painful; it does hurt to face our own delusion. But keeping the delusion is worse. So here we are with this vibration; we thought it was love, but now we find it to be suffering. Okay, accept it. Be with it. Stop running, stop calling it some other name, stop making excuses, stop rationalizing and finally stop trying. Just feel the vibration and accept that this is what you have. This is your “love”. You finally have what you have been avoiding all these years. Now you come to know no one else would call this vibration “love”. No wonder relations and communications have not gone as you thought they should. You thought you were “loving” and you have been hating or frustrating or whatever you have.
Now that you experience the vibration you will feel it everywhere and see how all decisions and assessments and actions come from this vibration. No wonder things turned out the way they did. No wonder people responded the way they did. Just feel and face. This is hard and will hurt. But stay with the vibration and do not run. Gradually you will start to disentangle from it; there will be some distance. Getting to this point will take some time so be patient. Once we separate we have a chance now to still it as it is beginning to lose power.
The Foursquare game can help with calling the vibration what it is. The game can help with getting to a place of dissolution for this vibration. If we do a foursquare using our vibration it can look a little different than a normal foursquare because the basic premise is wrong identification. I have to work with the fact that I call the vibration loving even though rationally I know it is not. There tends to be quite a bit of conflating in order to make sense of the words. For example, if being full of hate is what I have always called love then my foursquare will look like this:
|Full of hate (loving)||Full of love|
|Leaving alone (loving)||Too involved/codependent|
When I leave people alone I will believe it is the most loving thing I can do. I hate everyone because I “love” everyone. And people who actually love are called too involved and codependent.
Here are some others:
|Passionate /cruel (loving)||Kind|
So if frustration (love) is my goal, then I will unwittingly and unknowingly work to maintain frustration at all costs and all decisions will be made to get that goal. Once we ask the questions around a foursquare (see the chapter in Walking Home with Baba) and get the eight yeses, we are beginning to get free of this vibration. We are unraveling our false idea and vibration of love. The work looks simple; it is not easy. We have to apply our attention vigilantly if we are to be successful. So be patient and persevere. It is possible to free ourselves from our wrong understanding and emerge as our Self. Then “love” is Love.
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