We have been working with the foursquare tool for many years now. It evolved from dichotomies to foursquares a decade ago. Now it is evolving further to aid in our uncovering and dismantling of our system.
In order to build a foursquare, we must start by depersonalizing and objectifying the issue. This is done by using qualities we all can relate with. From there, we uncover the opposite of the quality. Once the dichotomy is defined, we then find the positive and negative forms of each term in the dichotomy. For example:
Crippled Healed
Cared for Abandoned
Crippled Healed
Dependent Independent
Cared for Abandoned
Supported Neglected
We usually start working with a foursquare by focusing on what we perceive as being done to us: the “outside to me”. From there we must look at what we do to others and to ourselves. So now we have a three-dimensional foursquare.
To me by the outside
To others by me
To me by me
From here, we can see the more outward, incidental causes and work our way back to “To me by me”. Once we have owned and accepted all three versions of the foursquare, we can choose to irrigate the field or not. We are definitely not at the mercy of the outside; it is always our choice. We can choose to react or to respond appropriately.
Dismantling the system this way allows us to see our power in our life. We are now free to use the qualities in the foursquare appropriately. Our ability to be manipulated is now diminished in regard to this foursquare.
Using one of these fundamental foursquares, we can see how we structure the questions and unfold the process. We ask ourselves the following yes/no questions and give our honest answer of the moment. We do not give what we think or “know” is the “right” answer. This tool does not work if we are using just our intellect; we have to be willing to give our emotionally honest answer. This emotionally honest answer is the only right answer of the moment. This answer will change as we use the tool and keep asking the questions. When we honestly reach 24 yeses ten out of ten times on a regular basis, our experience will be very different as we engage with the world both within and without.
I. To me by the outside:
Am I crippled by others? Am I healed by others?
Am I ok with this answer? Am I ok with this answer?
Am I cared for by others? Am I abandoned by others?
Am I ok with this answer? Am I ok with this answer?
II. To others by me:
Do I cripple others? Do I heal others?
Am I ok with this answer? Am I ok with this answer?
Do I care for others? Do I abandon others?
Am I ok with this answer? Am I ok with this answer?
III. To me by me:
Do I cripple myself? Do I heal myself?
Am I ok with this answer? Am I ok with this answer?
Do I care for myself? Do I abandon myself?
Am I ok with this answer? Am I ok with this answer?
If we do not dismantle that foursquare, this is how we choose to live: our lives will be guided by beliefs that all revolve around the power we associate with crippling and abandoning. We cannot want God and power. So to get power, we will either cripple or be crippled—these are the only options. There is no room for God in our calculations.
We may choose to be powerful by crippling. If so, we will want people to be weak, fragile, injured, ill, miserable, or otherwise at risk so that we can be powerful. We will sabotage others so we can feel strong.
We may choose to believe that if we are not crippled, we will be abandoned, not “loved”—that if we are independent and healed, others will leave us. We will then use being crippled and being abandoned as powerful tools. We will use them to get others to “care for” us and “heal” us the way we want.
Regardless, we are either the cripple or the abandoner. We switch back and forth. Only one person in the relationship will be allowed to be powerful or healthy. If you are walking on eggshells, someone is trying to cripple you—and that someone may be you.
In order to be free from this or any other foursquare, we have to give up power. We say we want to be happy, but are we willing to give up power to be happy? That means we have to be willing to be wounded. But we have to be able to handle being wounded, and we have to develop the capacity to heal ourselves. When we are healed, we are truly independent, and truly cared for.
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