We are becoming a world of wounded people. In the United States alone, there is an entire complex of industries, helping professions, and self-help promoters that profit from encouraging us to identify with woundedness. The words “health” and “wholeness” are thrown around, but the actual focus is on woundedness. This “healing” industry preserves our wounds; it feeds off our wounds and disregards our souls. In truth, we have a choice: we can heal our wounds or lick our wounds. The small self prefers to lick its wounds.
A person wed to this form of self-centeredness has a wound that he does not want to heal. It is his tool to manipulate others. There is no way the wound can be healed because he does not want to heal. His power and control are based on the wound. If he were healed, he would lose power. He may speak of “love”, but for him love is power; real Love does not enter into his calculations. He therefore looks for someone who would like to play the healer and then tortures them. He toys with the idea of being healed but will never allow it to happen. That is why, when he encounters someone who truly Loves, he will fight them.
When love shows up, this person presents the wound, and the would-be healer reads the wound as a wound and not a weapon. The healer will assume that the wounded of course wants to be healed. The wounded one will say he does and feed the lover with words like “I want to change”, “I will do anything”, “I am trying”, and “I don’t know how”. But the truth is they are roping in the sucker. They have no intention of getting rid of the wound. The sucker’s role is to be always willing to take the blame for the lack of healing.
In moments when the wound seems to be healing, we all are thrilled for the wounded person, believing that they, too, are thrilled. They do not see it the same way. In their eyes, they have lost their power and are determined to get life back to their “normal”. Right around the corner from that wonderful moment is the lash that puts all back to their right order. They win. That is all there is: winning. The lover, the enemy, has lost yet again.
Having injured those who love him, the wounded yet again resorts to the leverage of woundedness. He cries, “But can’t you see how bad I feel? I am wounded more than anyone”. His hurt trumps any consideration of what he’s done to others. The healers accept this, and feel bad for the wounded one. And so the dance continues. The wounded self’s belief is that if he is healed, he will then be ignored. The healers get to feel virtuous in their forbearance. They also feel they could have done more.
The wounded manipulator has to make the choice to be healthy and give up power. Either we wake up or the story never changes. Saying that we’re all flawed and apologizing for every injury resolves nothing—it is a cop-out. Only through accountability to ourselves and others does anything change.
In order to heal, the wounded self has to sacrifice its woundedness. It has to give up being wounded, to throw down its weapon. It has to truly want to be whole. The only way is to get off the grid completely.
Here are two foursquares that will help move us toward resolution:
|Wounded||Healed / whole|
|Wounded||Healed / whole|
|Powerful / winner||No leverage / loser|
By definition, the small self cannot be whole. The “whole” small self is still shrunken. We have to keep removing every obstacle that blocks us from our True nature, which is Love.
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