When people say there is nothing like a mother’s love, I ask them what they mean. The usual responses to my question are unconditional love, warmth and compassion, softness, caring, and giving. For me those qualities are not limited to a mother’s love. They are not gender based. I have met men with these qualities. My Guru, Swami Muktananda, lived and expressed them.
As a mother, I hope I have demonstrated these qualities, but not only these. My job has always been to model being fully human: both male and female, both strong and soft, both caring and disciplining, both giving and receiving, both fun and serious, both principled and open.
My job was never to protect my sons from living their lives, but to give them the skills to handle whatever they came across. That meant training them and making sure they were equipped with the appropriate tools. There were skills that both had to learn, and ones each had to learn that were not that important to the other. If I did not have the ability in a particular area they needed, I would find someone who did. This work was never about “the mommy”; it was about equipping my children for the life in front of them. By teaching them the truth, I showed them they did not have to be naïve. By not shying them away from the Real, I took on the responsibility of showing them how to embrace the Real.
Many people say that as we get older, things change. No, they do not. What we faced as children, we will face as adults—unless we work hard to learn our life’s lessons. The foundational skills are crucial to how we will approach our life’s challenges. This goes for everything in our lives. As a mother, I knew that parenting was not about my idea of my sons; very early, each showed his strengths and weaknesses, what needed to be developed and encouraged and what needed to be reined in and discouraged.
I was brought up at a late age by Baba. Because, having learned from him, I embrace all qualities and work to manifest them appropriately, some may judge that as a mother I am cruel, mean, or harsh. Maybe they are right; but I am also kind, compassionate, and soft.
The following foursquare is for all the parents and teachers out there. Accept all these qualities and free yourselves to be more fully human and to respond to others as human beings.
Cruel/mean/harsh/no love Kind/compassionate/soft/love
Strict/disciplining/clear/caring Fawning/condescending/weak/enabling
Baba modeled this nonattachment, and raised me to do the same. As a mother, I raised my children in the tradition of Swami Muktananda. If you have any questions, feel free to ask my sons.
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