Until we have experienced our true Self and indisputably know we are not our small self, we do not have an opportunity to embody real Love. Even then we will have to be vigilant not to “forget” and return to our “normal” life. Knowing the difference between who we are and the small self allows us to choose; we can choose Love rather than just have fleeting glimpses of it, believing that is all there can be. Love is off the grid. It is beyond the dichotomies, beyond the foursquares which make up the grid. Love emanates from the playing field of the Heart. If we are clear and conscious, Love will inform all we do. Love will be the expression of who we are.
Until we are committed to Love, power and pleasure will be directing us in all we do. We won’t think this to be true because we will use the word “love” many times to describe feelings and actions that in fact have different signifiers. Love is reserved for the experience that is beyond signification, beyond thought and emotion; Love is Universal Subjective Being. With Love, we experience the unity in the diversity of the world. With Love there is All for All. With Love, there are no weapons; it requires us to give up our weapons. With Love, relating would have qualities such as these:
|Willingness to lose||Agency||Appropriate care||Harmony|
|Transparency||Safety||Generosity||Want best for all|
|Respect||Joy||Unity in diversity||Compassion|
What the small self calls love is really only power and pleasure. In ordinary relationships, power and pleasure will be present in different proportions. A certain relationship could be comprised of 70% power and 30% pleasure. Depending on the people involved, this will or will not be sustainable. From what we have observed we will say “they have a great relationship”, only to find out a short time later they have split up. We will need to examine what we believed was at the core of that relationship, what was actually there, and what qualities were being used to express that core.
Power / pleasure is on the grid. The love that people generally settle for is the emotion that is the opposite of hate. Remember, real Love is completely off the grid. Our small self, the grid, has to lose if we want the opportunity to Love.
At the beginning of a relationship, often it will be as if a portal has opened to a new dimension and Love is everywhere. Because we are not conscious, we are unable to maintain it. Either gradually or abruptly the access is shut, and what had appeared as universal and all-pervasive has now shrunk and is stuffed into the constricted life of the small self. We do not know how to open it again. We are left with memories that we cling to, and we accept the realities of life. The survival skills and qualities that we have developed are again operational, and an old life we had thought was over resurfaces yet again.
We are on the grid. We will take care of ourselves using anything to gain or maintain power and pleasure, hoping those around us will support our choices. Every action—even the slightest—will be infused with power if that is what motivates us. The small self calls power and pleasure love. Real Love will be seen as superficial and lacking because it is not invested in power.
The qualities of power will unconsciously answer these questions: what weapon do I use, and how do I leverage using it? Below are some obvious components of power:
|Wearing down||Putting down||Wounded/wounding||Playing the victim|
|Acting superior||Healer/enabler||Guilt tripping||“Conering”|
|No agency||Controlling Info||No responsibility||Blaming|
|Being blameless||Being needed||Needy||Being ill|
|Overcompensating||Self-marketing||Isolating / protecting||Standoffishness|
|Keeping secrets||Lying / deceiving||Diverting||Being annoying|
The qualities of pleasure—which complements power—will unconsciously answer one question: how can I feel good?
|Coddling||Mmmmmmmm…||Fulfill sense desires||Lost in others|
|Self pitying||Guilt tripping||Wallowing||Worrying|
Unlike power and pleasure, Love does not go under any disguises. If our eyes are open, it is always apparent. But we will only see it clearly and live it fully if we choose to surrender to who we truly are.
Share this Post