I Lost My Patience….

Rohini Reflections, Stories and Occasions, Uncategorized

In Orkney I cried, I laughed, and I finally gave up my attachment to patience. Thank God. I had been driven to travel to Orkney for the last two years, and on July 27th I finally arrived, not knowing what would happen or how, but knowing this was an important time. The quiet was amazing as well as the landscape. Unless we went well out of our way, there were no people. The sounds were the birds, the cattle and the ocean. Some days the wind was prevalent.

The two weeks were about stillness and listening. Orkney was not distracting in any way. The transformation occurred by Rohini allowing herself to be stilled. Fluid, less solid, not important. Then the laughter, freeing and endless. From there, just consciousness.

Once home, there was the question of how the manifestation would change. What had been left behind in Orkney? For me, Orkney had represented the landing place of the Vikings as they began to play their play through the Isles and across Europe. I had felt an affinity with them for a few years, and the visit to Orkney was to be a time of resolution. How, I did not know.

Even as I left Orkney, it was not clear what had happened. As I said before, the vibration during those two weeks was almost non-existent. That was not what I had expected. Peace, really? Yes, that was what came from the land, the water, the rocks.

Not until I returned home did it all become clear what had happened. I lost my patience. What a relief. Patience has been the quality that has held me down. People tend to love my patience, and then are horrified when I lose it. The problem is, I have been too patient. Patience can become an enabler. So by the time the student is seeing me as an mean teacher, I have already been too patient. I am okay with being called a mean teacher. If I am too patient, I am not doing my work as clearly as I should. So patience has left me, and I am on a magnificent tear. Could not be happier.


Patient saint                               Mean tyrant/teacher


Suffering servant                       Loving warrior/fighter for truth


People who leave my classes usually see me as the mean teacher and perceive themselves as the suffering servant. Have they ever thought that they have been mean and I have just been too patient, thus putting me in the role of the suffering servant? When I do not play the part of the suffering servant, they resist the teaching.

Orkney was a time to uncover the warrior and free the soul from the tyranny of patience.

Someone will surely say that this is not very spiritual. Oh, really? Why not? Attachment to anything is attachment, and attachment to a good quality produces pride and turns the quality into something negative. For instance, the person who is too patient can feel superior to others. They will enable someone in order to maintain the relationship. How spiritual is that?

Without question, there are people who will say I have no patience. They were too busy focused on themselves to see how patient I was with them, hoping they would wake up. When they did not, the mean teacher or loving warrior—however you want to see it—came forth.

I invite all of you to give up your patience. Give up attachment to it so that you can then use it appropriately. Give up your patience with yourselves, give up your patience with your wrong understanding.

A loving warrior is one who fights appropriately. That means he is riding the horse in the direction God is going. A loving warrior is focused on God only because he knows God is everything. From this a loving warrior and a patient saint work together within the same soul. And suffering the servant and the mean teacher or tyrant cannot and do not arise, no matter how many people project those labels.

Baba was for me the patient saint and the loving warrior. He modeled both perfectly. I have worked to let go of all qualities that have prevented me from being what Baba modeled, letting go of attachments to all qualities so that they can be used appropriately. And I have been patient in this process. Though my own sons have been annoyed with my patience, I did not realize how attached I was to this quality until returning home from the stillness of Orkney.

Join me in delving into the appropriate practice of patience.





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