The following are raps people wrote about their “ways (not) to be”—the litanies of their shrunken selves. Part of spiritual practice is learning how we operate when we are not fully conscious; this process is detailed in two earlier blog posts titled “The Way Not To Be” and “Not the Way To Be.” These raps helped their authors gain clarity and nonattachment.
The Way (Not) To Be Rap 16…
Barbie, glittering, I’m a perfect trophy wife;
Crammed in a box, I don’t want my own life.
Feel, goddamn it, why can’t you feel?
Don’t think you can’t break through my solid steel shield.
I can’t, I won’t, and to be sure
I’ve done my best to stay immature.
Terrified of judgments as harsh as those I make,
I’d rather sit here paralyzed, agonized,
With thoughts that I call moralized.
Strung too tight, but I know I’m right,
Dissociating somewhere out by the satellites.
Don’t know what I want, and why should I care?
That might mean I’d have to share.
I’d rather float out here in the atmosphere.
Rules, rules, here’s another: don’t offend anyone,
It’s not polite, that’s the insight;
You never know when you might want them again.
Turn them into objects, if only to deflect—
Come right on in, the water’s lukewarm.
Take an issue, lose myself in it: turn it around,
Quiet, not to make a sound.
Blow it up, bigger, higher, so I can be a hero;
Can’t see from here the whole thing is zero.
The only thing that’s better is to be a victim,
Then I don’t have to take your criticism.
No, don’t say that I’ve just done something wrong;
You just don’t understand, I’ll say as I go along:
Don’t think you know what I’m going through.
I’m innocent! I’m innocent!
My mom and I will say,
Don’t unveil it’s actually insolence,
A mechanism to have it our own way.
So no moving forward, no, don’t even try—
Moving is ambition and on a lady just ain’t fly.
Instead I need someone to grasp hold onto,
For everything I will do
So long as no one asks me, “What about you?”
I need them there to be the core,
The power, priority, and absolute authority.
Don’t say you want something from me:
I’ll bend and bend and call it giving;
In truth I’m nowhere near living.
Keep me under thumb, so I can stay numb;
Bring on medication, that’ll get the job done.
Don’t knock my sheen or tell me it’s not pretty;
I couldn’t have seen just how much this is shitty.
The Way (Not) To Be Rap 17…
Was told that I was bright
And it went right to my head,
Better drop that one
Before the day I’m dead.
Really I am stupid,
Of that there is no doubt:
Foggy, dense, and vague,
Afraid word will get out.
I could be a learner
But I know it all already.
I fight to do it my way
In a rut that I call steady.
Yeah really, I’m content
To coast until the end.
Why rock the boat?
Inertia is my friend.
Other people’s expectations
Keep me slogging in the mine.
I hire them to put me down
When I get out of line.
Experiences rock
And I’ve had some pretty cool ones.
Maybe that’s enough,
Especially the fun ones.
To live my life, do what I love,
Keep practicing, persist;
Let down my guard and trust in God,
Surrender, don’t resist.
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